I insisted on an abusive relationship, because I thought that one day everything would change for the better and that things would be at peace. Only, the more I tried, the more that whole situation caused me pain.more My feelings ravaged me intensity than usual. All that hurt me daily; deepening my wounds, which bled constantly, and brought with it a pain that tore me apart, even more, inside.
What seemed to me, at first, an attitude of love and care, gradually revealed itself as an unhealthy jealousy. And, gradually, it was transformed into an obsessive feeling of distrust of betrayal, of imaginary intrigues, without any foundation. If there needs to be any reason at all, when what you are really looking for is simply having the pleasure of subjecting the other to your tyranny.
Where did I go wrong, to be where I am?
And how do I save myself from this whole situation?
I get lost in the most different thoughts, looking for someone who knows how to find a way to escape, in vain, at least for today.
It's days, months, years of being subjected to this ordeal of pain, suffering and humiliation. Sufferings that do not bring me any redemption. In addition to the sick satisfaction of someone who once committed to loving and caring for me. I know what I need to do, I just don't know how to do it, and if I'll be safe by the end of the day.
I can't take all this physical and psychological suffering anymore. And listening to people with their easy and banal solutions to solve problems that are not theirs.
Many tell me that I am the cause of my problems; that I looked for this suffering and that I want to be in the life I'm living.
Enough of all this suffering! I'm tired, disoriented... I'm going to run away tonight!
Living a secluded life, in some corner, is better than this life I'm living.
I can already see the colors of the sun. I feel the taste of life in my mouth. I believe it is a good sign.